“What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”
― William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet
Not too modest a prologue, I know ;-) But wanted to use some catchy phrase for a headline, hence.
Ok, so I’ve been going over some songs and files I started to write a while back, which I haven’t even looked at for quite some time. I did so in order to identify, whether any of them were worth spending the time and making the effort to complete. I found eight more tracks in addition to the five I have released in the past years. (Why does it take me so long? That’s for some other time to “discuss” – if at all, that is). Some of those eight projects are mere musical note taking, stubs, random ideas downloaded from memory and stored for later. They don’t qualify as songs or compositions just yet, some are mere patterns or maybe a theme or something. That’s not a problem. Most times, I fairly quickly find something to add to them and ultimately come up with a chord progression, theme variations, interludes and overall structure that qualify as a song. The hard part is – mustering the enormous patience it takes to record tracks, listen to the recorded material, edit it, where necessary, walk away from it, come back, listen again, finetune, adjust, mix etc. etc. It is an effort that feels gargantuan to me. Somehow I lost the playful approach and excitement by which I went about the tedious parts of the process. And there are lots of very very tedious things involved in writing a song and “downloading” it from your brain to the fingers into the software and ultimately make it audible.
On the other hand: I can’t seem to find closure with this whole music thing. Not just yet, anyway. I’ve more than once wished I had closure and was able to just walk away from it and not look back ever again. Because… a great many things that come after the creative process – including performing – I don’t seem to have as much fun with or ever had in the first place. And that’s putting it mildly… All the sore spots I’ve been doing my best to let heal are being mercilessly pounded upon with everything that happens – or should we say might happen – after the writing process is completed. Plus, I’d have to go via crowdfunding anyway as many artist have been doing or are doing in order to get their projects off the ground. But those artists are for the most part established ones, some even stars in their respective field and genre. I’m light years away from that. Or so it feels. And setbacks have this annoying tendency to push me back another perceived (light-) years. Ugh…
But – next to the kind encouragement I am receiving from my friends on Facebook and some in real life, there is this feeling of responsibility mixed in with Capricorn’s stubborness that I… can’t vanish from the planet without at least one CD or album of (largely) original compositions. Huh. Talk about a catch 22 situation. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t. Hm. Maybe I can continue to work on myself to smoothe some of the edges that give me a hard time – and have the potential to give others a hard time with me as well :( If it were for some other activity, I’d say, I’m three thirds of the way there. This music beeoc* however – is a most taxing thing on every level. At the end of the day, it probably has to be this way. What do I know… :)
So back to the grind every now and then…. (P.S. I know – gratitude… and humility. Must find me some at the respective store… ;-)
P.P.S. This might help as a reminder, too – so moving!