Recently and mostly on Facebook, I’ve been alluding to battling rather persistent and lifelong symptoms of PTSD and C-PTSD. I get the feeling that some will have thought I make too much of this personal battle that’s been a part of my life for 48 years, in particular as of late and after having decided to speak about. I decided so it in hopes of helping to bring this debilitating condition to the attention of the general public and the latter not so much on my own behalf, but on behalf of so many veterans of war returning from their tours and suffering from major PTSD as a consequence of all the horror and brutality they had to either witness or suffer from themselves. The first “medical” reports of this condition coined it “shellshock”, a term I find to be ironically accurate as the ensuing symptoms feel like being on a battlefield at all times, even when asleep. I strongly recommend to use your own discretion in watching the enclosed video. It is distressing and in part graphic. If you’re not sure, I suggest not to watch. It sure messed up my day (or what was left of it), when I came across it and after having ignored the little warning voice telling me I might get triggered from this. I sure did. On the other hand – getting triggered from this and seeing the footage brought another piece of memory back from the recesses of my bodymind that kept the score meticulously. To this day.
No, this is not a political post. And a warning first: The video below is highly disturbing. It shows rapper Mos Def, now Yasiin Bey, undergo the force feeding procedure at Guantanamo Bay. According to my mother’s reports, which originate from clinic records, I was subject to this procedure at a couple of weeks old. (I was hospitalized between week 2 and 12 as an infant – my parents’ reports vary, but they agree on it having been months rather than weeks). I don’t know, whether they narcotized me prior to this, but I wouldn’t think so, especially when seeing these sequences. They seem to ring a bell I’ve been doing my best to drown out. They also performed other intrusive examinations, like two spinal taps, one in the upper vertebrae area near the skull.
It seems that my body has never forgotten these intrusions into my sphere of intimacy…
View original post 593 more words