This might be a disturbing or upsetting read for some. At the very least, it’s probably not feel-good material. So read at your own discretion, meaning to say: You’ve been warned.


After a surprising call to the stage not too long ago, I’ve written a blog about performing in a music venue and how the parameters there typically trigger symptoms of (C-) PTSD. This is a bad and potentially unsurmountable roadblock to the idea of coming back to music more or less full time, something I had been pondering since the premature falling apart of my former career in the IT&C industry. As I’ve been nurturing thoughts of sitting in with local bands on open stage nights more often, the agonizing side effects of being in a crowd or simply within the confines of limited space have reemerged in a more or less pronounced way, such as e.g. anxiety manifesting itsself physically and in very distressing ways. And it typically becomes a challenge of an entirely different calibre to juggle the discomfort and the stress of needing to respond quickly…

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