I decided I’m going to relieve myself from a burden and postpone all aspirations, strivings, unrealistic hopes and whatnot indefinitely and suspend any musical activities until the vibe is back. I have strong reservations and doubts as to it ever coming back. I don’t seem to be able any longer to access the joy musical expression once meant for me. After all, I may not be a musician at all and it seems I was in the wrong in thinking so. I also need to make sure, I’m not going to expose myself to music much any more as it brings more pain than joy. Thanks for your support.