It’s been a month since I’ve moved to my new place here in Fuenf-Seen-Land as the area southwest of Munich is called. I haven’t moved in seven years and if it hadn’t been for a number of pressing reasons – impaired health probably being the most important one – I’d have probably postponed it a while longer. But the vibe at the other place not only wasn’t conducive to any creative endeavours any more, it had become plain torture. Let’s just say that construction quality of the building plus conflicting daily routines of my neighbour’s and I had become increasingly incompatible and intolerable in the end. While I’m aware that I might not have been be the easiest neighbour myself in recent years (but for “good” reasons so….), I am always willing to talk and find solutions in a civil manner. I’m afraid, I have to realize that I was being taken advantage of for that very approach. As soon as I had realized that the situation wasn’t very likely to improve any more, I had started to look for a different place. But believe it or not, it took me about three years to find this new place and be approved as new tenant! And hadn’t it been for the generous help of my family, who took care of the realtor’s fee for me, I couldn’t have made the move, either. So… I’m very, very grateful to them and that it worked out and that I get to live in a much nicer, comfortable, more peaceful and more beautiful place than before. Come to think: It might be the nicest place I’ve ever rented.
Compared to space that my US friends are used to, it’s tiny. Many of you might see this and go: “How is anyone supposed to live in a box like this?” But then: We’ve been a densely populated continent forever and eversince the reunification and “Glasnost” with more open borders to the East, immigration from other countries and population numbers have increased. So space is an issue here and usually expensive, especially in areas like this, where you have the proximity to a major city, a highly developped infrastructure, recreational areas nearby and generally a high standard of living. But I always knew, I didn’t need too much space. OK, there’s a minimum I require, so I get to accommodate the modest music gear and office cabinet and such in addition to regular household appliances and basic furniture. But space wasn’t as much of a criterion as the right “vibe” to the place in terms of quiet, somewhat educated/civil neighbours, whom I can genuinely like and also in order to get to have some privacy when I need it. (In the other place, I ended up dreading the moments when I’d run into my neighbour, not to mention involuntarily witnessing more of their routines and …errm…”utterances” than I would have wanted to know about… ). Then, some infrastructure was another criterion, as in the availability of public transportation, sufficient internet bandwidth (which isn’t a given in rural areas), doctors, pharmacies, shops etc. Some nearby scenery was more along the lines of “nice to have”, but has become increasingly important to me in recent years.
Some of you might read this and think, I’m the worst snob there is. Well… I’m aware I sound like that. But all these criteria rather come from a place of needing to meet those for health reasons. I kid you not, when I say that I’ve experienced my personal version of hell between 2007 and the end of 2011. And every time, when I began to build new hope, another major blow hit me right in the “lower twins”. Moving to here seems to mark the beginning of a new cycle, which also seems to offer some relief in very, very vital areas. As you will have noticed, I have become careful with my wording. You never know, what’s coming and pretty much all of my ever-worst nighmares I had for all of my previous life have manifested into reality in those past 5+ years.
I get the feeling that the worst is through by now – at least for now. Our life seems to move in cycles or in a waveform pattern with ups and downs. I don’t have a problem with regarding these ups and downs as the nature of human life. However, I take it most of you will agree that there is a certain “corridor” of tolerance we’re able to put up with, right? Anytime, life events and their emotional impact take our course beyond those imaginary borders, pain, despair, help- and hopelessness are likely to ensue. I’ve had all of those, often at the same time – and for an extended amount of time. While I realize that none of what I’m saying is out of the ordinary, most of it was new territory for me and tested me like nothing ever before (and prior to 2007, things often haven’t exactly been happy-go-lucky either). I was doing ok for the most part. And compared to what’s happening in other places in the world, you might say, I was doing fine, if not great. But I’d like to maintain that everything is always relative and subjective. In other words: If all you know is crazy shit, I guess, you’ll eventually learn to shield your heart from it to a certain degree. If all you knew is a fairy tale, then missing the bus might give you a panic attack or major anxiety. Can we agree on that? Along the lines of this analogy, I definitely came across more than missing the bus. Like I said, I was tested – to the brim and often it felt like beyond said “brim”.
But I’m still here and many of you were there with me. I guess, if it hadn’t been for the social media – I’d have lost it for good several times. My heartfelt thanks to all of you again! What’s more, I have managed to preserve or rebuild some vitality and basic health, my head is on my shoulders and I walk in an upright manner and in straight lines (most of the time, anyway LOL). The worst is through. Spring is coming. Here’s to letting the sweet breeze of life back into my heart. Happy spring of 2012!
wesbound, March 2012